John 14:27 Voice
"My peace is the legacy I leave to you. I don't give gifts like those of this world. Do not let your heart be troubled or fearful."
Have you ever felt broken? Like your soul, your heart, will not, indeed cannot, ever be the same?
Lately, I’ve been feeling like that - a lot. It may have something to do with our oldest daughters divorce. It may have something to do with betrayal of family values by someone I don't feel I know anymore. It may have something to do with leaving a church family that we love. It may have something to do with a change in my routine. It may be a combination of all the above. But whatever the reason or reasons, I feel broken.
Yesterday afternoon, I was waiting in line at a pizza place and I felt tears well up. I wanted nothing more than to have a good cry...right there in Little Caesar’s. Instead, I took my writers notebook from my bag and started scribbling words. Words that described my current state of mind.
Thoughts came pouring into my mind:
I’m ‘pit of the stomach’ sick.
Why me Lord?
Does anyone care, really care, if I cry?
If they could see my heart is broken, would they whisper a prayer for me?
And finally, the one that made those tears threaten to fall:
I’m here for everyone else, but when I crash, who’ll pick me up? Oh God, I need a Life Coach...I need a friend...I need YOU!
And the cashier called me by name.
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By name. Not a number. Not by my last name. She didn’t catch my eye and jerk her head to indicate that my order was up.
She simply smiled at me and called out over the noise, “Dreama.”
She called me by name, to her, I was just Dreama.
And I realized it was okay for me to be just Dreama. Not Coach Kelly, Mammy, Mom, or Sweetie...just Dreama. And it is okay for Just Dreama to feel broken, hurt, confused, disgusted and angry because the woman at Little Caesar’s wasn't the only one calling my name.
Jesus was doing the same, calling Dreama out I mean. Beckoning me forward to take what is mine. In my heart, I know He is telling me to lay down my sin of taking on a bunch of stuff that isn’t mine too carry. Stuff that no woman, life coach or no, is equipped to carry. He is calling me out so I can accept what He died to give me...the peace of His Holy Spirit. The strength that comes to His daughters when we are feeling broken. Peace that surpasses all understanding. Peace that comes when we are crucified with Christ (Galatians 2:20). Peace that comes when we no longer willfully live in sin (Romans 6:2). Peace that comes when we hear Him call our name and go to Him (Matthew 11:28). Peace that comes when He restores what was lost (Joel 2:25). Peace that comes from Him being near when we are broken (Psalm 34:18).
And I moved toward Him. Gladly reaching out for what He selflessly paid for with His very life.
Do I still feel broken? Yes. But I also feel His peace mending my soul, one faith filled step toward Him at a time. Step by step, He'll take this broken and make it mended.
Journal your thoughts here
This week, let’s focus on healing.
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In Christ with Love and Compassion,
Be blessed today y'all