Call Me Gideon
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| "I do set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be for a token of a covenant between me and the earth" (Genesis 9:13, KJV). "God Himself created the first sign as confirmation; No wonder we seek after them"- Coach Kelly, YLCWV. |
My Reflection:
Picture This:
Y'all, my family loves Liberty Flames football! The grandkids cheer LU on with vigor and we adults join in. Recently, we were sitting at a football game and I questioned God about how I ended up as a LU Alumni. Then my thoughts moved on to how in His name did I become an author?
(I'm an introvert so my thought process resembles the spokes of an old bicycle wheel: somehow connected but severely interwoven, and twisted; so God only knows where they'll end up!)
Where was I?
Oh! I was watching the team warm up and asking God for a sign that I was good enough. And then I turned my attention to the big screen where a one-liner from Liberty University's Hall of Fame inductee Steve Kearns caught my attention: Don't let your identity come from how you perform but from who you are in Christ. Okay God, so if I don't succeed as an author, I'm still good enough as Your kid, right? I won't die if my first book is a flop; I can either try again or walk away. Be happy that I got one book published, right?
(I'm an introvert so my thought process resembles the spokes of an old bicycle wheel: somehow connected but severely interwoven, and twisted; so God only knows where they'll end up!)
Where was I?
Oh! I was watching the team warm up and asking God for a sign that I was good enough. And then I turned my attention to the big screen where a one-liner from Liberty University's Hall of Fame inductee Steve Kearns caught my attention: Don't let your identity come from how you perform but from who you are in Christ. Okay God, so if I don't succeed as an author, I'm still good enough as Your kid, right? I won't die if my first book is a flop; I can either try again or walk away. Be happy that I got one book published, right?
But just like Gideon, it wasn't enough.
So He gave me another one.
The next morning, sitting in church with thousands of other believers, Pastor Falwell spoke straight to me when he said: Satan knows what you struggle with...be strong in the grace of Christ....and still, even though that preacher had no idea what I had been asking, feeling, or thinking, his timely wisdom still wasn't enough.
Inside my head were seeds of doubt planted by Satan, watered by the past, and germinated by the fertile soil of insecurity. On the upside though, my heart was trying hard to not buy into it. So the age old struggle was real. It was a battle of flesh against spirit and it was intense. Weeks later, the victor is yet to be determined and both are still putting up a good fight.
I am starting to wonder how many more confirmations will I need (from the God I believe in) before I trust that being made in His image makes me more than enough? How many more signs will I need before I let go of those old doubts? How many more will it take for me to rip those insecurities up by the roots, burn them through-and-through, and dispose of their ashes for good?
Will it take another book published? Making the New York Times Best Seller's List? Will that prove my self-worth? Maybe tens of thousands of hits on my blog will do the trick? What will it take before I know that this is enough? That I am enough? I am starting to realize that no amount of materialistic, temporary success, will ever be enough...Ecclesiastes 2:11: "Then I considered all that my hands had done and the toil I had expended in doing it, and behold, all was vanity and a striving after wind, and there was nothing to be gained under the sun" (ESV).
So He gave me another one.
The next morning, sitting in church with thousands of other believers, Pastor Falwell spoke straight to me when he said: Satan knows what you struggle with...be strong in the grace of Christ....and still, even though that preacher had no idea what I had been asking, feeling, or thinking, his timely wisdom still wasn't enough.
Inside my head were seeds of doubt planted by Satan, watered by the past, and germinated by the fertile soil of insecurity. On the upside though, my heart was trying hard to not buy into it. So the age old struggle was real. It was a battle of flesh against spirit and it was intense. Weeks later, the victor is yet to be determined and both are still putting up a good fight.
I am starting to wonder how many more confirmations will I need (from the God I believe in) before I trust that being made in His image makes me more than enough? How many more signs will I need before I let go of those old doubts? How many more will it take for me to rip those insecurities up by the roots, burn them through-and-through, and dispose of their ashes for good?
Will it take another book published? Making the New York Times Best Seller's List? Will that prove my self-worth? Maybe tens of thousands of hits on my blog will do the trick? What will it take before I know that this is enough? That I am enough? I am starting to realize that no amount of materialistic, temporary success, will ever be enough...Ecclesiastes 2:11: "Then I considered all that my hands had done and the toil I had expended in doing it, and behold, all was vanity and a striving after wind, and there was nothing to be gained under the sun" (ESV).
Fast Forward to today:
The ultimate answer to my questions is found in Matthew 6:33: "Seek first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all things things shall be added unto you" (KJV); the verse that the Holy Spirit brings to my mind A LOT...yet...still, most days...you could call me Gideon.
The ultimate answer to my questions is found in Matthew 6:33: "Seek first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all things things shall be added unto you" (KJV); the verse that the Holy Spirit brings to my mind A LOT...yet...still, most days...you could call me Gideon.
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It was completely unsolicited. I was getting ready to take AJ to school. I was walking from my bedroom toward the bathroom. And it hit me. "Just write from your heart." Because it was simple and positive instruction, y'all know it was the Holy Spirit, right? The answer to the question that was unasked yet perpetually on my mind these days.
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Have a blessed weekend y'all...
In Christ with love and Compassion,
Coach Kelly
#YourLifeCoachingWV #BeyondTheMirror #WVStrong
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