Heart Divided


Galatians 2:20: "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. And the life that I now live in my body, I live by faith, indeed, by the faithfulness of God’s Son, who loved me and gave himself for me." (CEB).

"It's determined in the heart." That was the Holy Spirit's answer to my question. I had just finished reading the book "Unashamed" by rapper Lecrae and I had a hornet's nest of questions buzzing through my head. It brought to mind those days I had spent bound by the religious sect. Days when laughing or teasing someone about anything non-churchy actually made me feel guilty. My divided heart wanted to be myself but it was split in two. I didn't know how to be who God created me to be and who they said I was supposed to be...let alone what a real Christian was supposed to look like.


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I was raised in church by parents who were less than perfect. Parents who pushed faith, love, and Jesus, but not a bunch of religious indoctrination. Instead, in their own struggles, they displayed how to fall, get back up, and keep going with faith in God's love for them still intact; meanwhile good Christians faulted them for it...choosing instead to deflect their own flaws with pointing fingers or gossiping tongues (TBH: some of their kids are still screwed up from that unholy double standard). 

So, thanks to Lecrae's thoughts on what it means to have a Christian worldview - with words like secularism, religion, and stereotype buzzing inside my head - I needed to receive an answer from God. I didn't want to trust any man-made notions tucked away somewhere in my head. So the question I asked God yesterday morning while making a pitcher of iced tea was this: "Okay, so how do we know if we are doing life right as a Christian?"  His answer was clear. It is a heart issue. The why, how, and what we do comes from the heart. Singing, dancing, rapping, teaching, praising, or even making a pitcher of iced tea...the Christian-ness of our life's actions are determined in the heart..and only He truly knows the heart.
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In my younger life, despite my parents teaching me better, I had unknowingly become bound by religion.  The scary thing about that? Even though I knew something was off I had no idea what so I couldn't fix it. The harder I tried to fit into their little religious box the farther I grew from Jesus.

But then God...I can't begin to explain to you how freeing it is to actually develop a relationship with Christ - sort of like the one He had with Peter or John. To live real life and still serve Him. Free to be the woman I was created to be, to have Him woven into everything I do. Yep everything, even when I'm talking to my husband or girlfriends about non-church stuff.  It took me years to get back to this place. Once again, I am able to be the woman God created me to be - without fear of being too secular or too me-like while serving Him in all things. To finally be the me my parents knew I was: happy, silly, desirous to be Christ-like, and free of religious bonds...to have a single heart instead of a Heart Divided

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If you want to become the best version of you possible (enlightened, equipped and empowered) the answers are in your Bible - I encourage you to read it for real and become friends with Jesus - He's pretty awesome. 

Have a blessed Sunday y'all!

In Christ with love and compassion,

Coach Kelly



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